You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
