Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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