I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
