Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
