therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Why is there bacon in the couch?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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