Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
