i jhust puked up my retainher.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
My feet surprised me
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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