I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
