We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
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