Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
This is my gift to your gina
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
