Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
