College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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