Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
we're so committed to being not committed
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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