I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you win again, gameday.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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