no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Randomize
