at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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