peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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