I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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