He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
