DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
