i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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