naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
