question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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