why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize