Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
