how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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