This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
