So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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