I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
