she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
