At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
