he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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