hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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