Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I am mentally ready for anal.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
