I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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