I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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