All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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