I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
