Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
