I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize