No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
