How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
