Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
They should really pass out barf bags in church
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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