Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
