the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
