I swear she didn't look like that last week.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
