Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
