I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
