He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
