Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
