you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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