ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
