Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
