Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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