Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
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