If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
