were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
