the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize