i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
