im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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