What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
