please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
