what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize