Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
