I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
